It's been a horrible horrible horrible day. The worst kind because it started off so well.
I'll write when I can do it without snarling.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Well, it's been a couple days since I posted...
But, hell, I only have three followers anyway! (that was a sarcastic/amused tone, I swear).
First things first, I am starting to feel a lot better since I started my meds again (on 12/26). A lot. Of course, I am sure it also helps that I haven't had any booze since then either.
Second, I seem to already have lost about three pound since I started my meds (and not drinking). Seems like the adderall has put a stop to my mechanical arm. And I am sure missing out on those 100+ calories per drink is helping too!
I was sober on New Years, and was sober at my most recent drinking/running group (sounds like an oxymoron, but it is really fun). I digress, I was surprised how much fun I had despite lacking a beer jacket, constantly amused/ditzy personality, and wobbly gate! Who knew?!?
And finally, an update on my painting. As I said before — at least I think I said it — I am working on a painting that is completely and only about my mental history (ahh, what a painting). Currently it is pretty gory and depressing looking (on of the reasons I don't want to post an image of it) but I know that it will change a bit because this is just an underpainting (the other reason why I don't want to post anything).
Ok, this is the real finally, I swear. I am a bit dismayed that I haven't found any useful tips on organization etc. All of them seem to be pretty inane/impossible. For example, apparently everyone is supposed to get only wireless electronics (computer, printer, internet, etc) because it gets rid of excessive chords. Oh yeah, super plausible! Another one was to go through your closet and organize things into piles: keep it, donate it, toss it. Yeah, like that will work. For every item of clothing I have I can come up with ten reasons why I should keep it even if it doesn't fit/has holes/is faded/has stains. That is why I have three boxes and bags of clothing that either doesn't fit, has holes, is faded, or has stains.
Alas, life goes on. Here's to it going well for me...and going especially well for you!
First things first, I am starting to feel a lot better since I started my meds again (on 12/26). A lot. Of course, I am sure it also helps that I haven't had any booze since then either.
Second, I seem to already have lost about three pound since I started my meds (and not drinking). Seems like the adderall has put a stop to my mechanical arm. And I am sure missing out on those 100+ calories per drink is helping too!
I was sober on New Years, and was sober at my most recent drinking/running group (sounds like an oxymoron, but it is really fun). I digress, I was surprised how much fun I had despite lacking a beer jacket, constantly amused/ditzy personality, and wobbly gate! Who knew?!?
And finally, an update on my painting. As I said before — at least I think I said it — I am working on a painting that is completely and only about my mental history (ahh, what a painting). Currently it is pretty gory and depressing looking (on of the reasons I don't want to post an image of it) but I know that it will change a bit because this is just an underpainting (the other reason why I don't want to post anything).
Ok, this is the real finally, I swear. I am a bit dismayed that I haven't found any useful tips on organization etc. All of them seem to be pretty inane/impossible. For example, apparently everyone is supposed to get only wireless electronics (computer, printer, internet, etc) because it gets rid of excessive chords. Oh yeah, super plausible! Another one was to go through your closet and organize things into piles: keep it, donate it, toss it. Yeah, like that will work. For every item of clothing I have I can come up with ten reasons why I should keep it even if it doesn't fit/has holes/is faded/has stains. That is why I have three boxes and bags of clothing that either doesn't fit, has holes, is faded, or has stains.
Alas, life goes on. Here's to it going well for me...and going especially well for you!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
F*ck planning and sketching paintings
Before I put it to canvas. I am gonna rock it de Kooning style. Abstract expressionism? Yes, please.
I am definitely going to post pictures in progress for you all. And by all I mean the three of you. Hey, maybe my mom will start following me too. That would be four...only double plus 2 and I'd be in the double digits! Oh yeah...
*This is perhaps de Kooning's most famous piece. It's called Woman I.
I am definitely going to post pictures in progress for you all. And by all I mean the three of you. Hey, maybe my mom will start following me too. That would be four...only double plus 2 and I'd be in the double digits! Oh yeah...
I think emoticons make people look stupid...
...unless of course you type with them. Then they are very intelligent. Only MENSA people use emoticons!
Same thing goes for abbreviated words and phrases (stfu, lol, nsfw, brb, etc). But again, maybe it's a MENSA thing that I am too stupid to understand. Just maybe...
Same thing goes for abbreviated words and phrases (stfu, lol, nsfw, brb, etc). But again, maybe it's a MENSA thing that I am too stupid to understand. Just maybe...
Ok, I had a nice little panic attack...
And I think I can handle this school stuff via one of the great lessons that I learned from my therapist (we'll call her Elle)...Compartmentalizing!
So I am breaking this huge pile of shit (and yes, again I do mean shit) into handle-able little nuggets.
1. Go to old university, try to talk with the transportation director and ask if he can reduce the cost because a. I had to leave school abruptly and not on the best of circumstances and b. I never received any bill (even though they supposedly gave the info to a collection agency) thus I didn't know they were accruing interest.
2. Pay ticket fees (hopefully discounted) and get an unofficial transcript.
3. Figure out what classes transfer and what my cumulative g.p.a. is.
4. Get letters of rec to help prove that I am, in fact, a good and honest student.
5. Write an email and letter to the admissions director of new university explaining (and apologizing for) everything.
6. oh yeah, and cancel the other school to which I applied so I don't have to do all this twofold.
Alright...somewhat small nuggets. Although it doesn't really help to see the long list. Oh well, I don't really have any other options (unless I want to transfer at 25 and graduate by 28). Sheesh.
And I promise, this is the last rant...at least for a while!
So I am breaking this huge pile of shit (and yes, again I do mean shit) into handle-able little nuggets.
1. Go to old university, try to talk with the transportation director and ask if he can reduce the cost because a. I had to leave school abruptly and not on the best of circumstances and b. I never received any bill (even though they supposedly gave the info to a collection agency) thus I didn't know they were accruing interest.
2. Pay ticket fees (hopefully discounted) and get an unofficial transcript.
3. Figure out what classes transfer and what my cumulative g.p.a. is.
4. Get letters of rec to help prove that I am, in fact, a good and honest student.
5. Write an email and letter to the admissions director of new university explaining (and apologizing for) everything.
6. oh yeah, and cancel the other school to which I applied so I don't have to do all this twofold.
Alright...somewhat small nuggets. Although it doesn't really help to see the long list. Oh well, I don't really have any other options (unless I want to transfer at 25 and graduate by 28). Sheesh.
And I promise, this is the last rant...at least for a while!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Well that's just great!
Soooo, after years of not finishing classes (because of my lovely mental issues) at one university, I finally learned how to succeed after spending some time at a city college. And, Alas, I am finally ready to transfer...or so I thought.
It seems that though I got less that a 1.0 at the university it is a big no-no to omit schools in your application. Stupid, stupid, stupid. But let me explain. Due to my 'issues' I had to leave school abruptly (that kind of things happen when you can't get out of bed for a few months) and thus I never paid the 7(!) parking tickets I accrued. So now, I have to write letters to the Admissions people at my — hopefully new — university, pay the $480 (yes, $480) in parking fines, and see if after transferring credits (both decent and horrible) I am still eligible to transfer.
Damn it, it took me a long time to gain the perspective that life is life, and it is pointless to be mad that I didn't get a diagnosis early enough to actually be able to do university, and high school, and junior high, and elementary school. And now, after fighting to learn not to be angry about my lost years (many many years), I realize that this shit — and I angrily do mean shit, f*ing shit — this issue that has affected my entire life so far will also impact my academic future.
This post is totally and completely a rant.
Oh yeah, I also have to drive 45 minutes to argue with the transportation director to, hopefully, reduce my fines. Because I am a student damn it...a poor jobless student. And get my transcript because they can't give you ANY information over the phone. None. None at all.
Ok, rant over. Well, not completely, but I'll stop talking about it here. Downers are no fun.
Hope your week is better than mine, infinitely better!
love,
Debbi Downer
It seems that though I got less that a 1.0 at the university it is a big no-no to omit schools in your application. Stupid, stupid, stupid. But let me explain. Due to my 'issues' I had to leave school abruptly (that kind of things happen when you can't get out of bed for a few months) and thus I never paid the 7(!) parking tickets I accrued. So now, I have to write letters to the Admissions people at my — hopefully new — university, pay the $480 (yes, $480) in parking fines, and see if after transferring credits (both decent and horrible) I am still eligible to transfer.
Damn it, it took me a long time to gain the perspective that life is life, and it is pointless to be mad that I didn't get a diagnosis early enough to actually be able to do university, and high school, and junior high, and elementary school. And now, after fighting to learn not to be angry about my lost years (many many years), I realize that this shit — and I angrily do mean shit, f*ing shit — this issue that has affected my entire life so far will also impact my academic future.
This post is totally and completely a rant.
Oh yeah, I also have to drive 45 minutes to argue with the transportation director to, hopefully, reduce my fines. Because I am a student damn it...a poor jobless student. And get my transcript because they can't give you ANY information over the phone. None. None at all.
Ok, rant over. Well, not completely, but I'll stop talking about it here. Downers are no fun.
Hope your week is better than mine, infinitely better!
love,
Debbi Downer
Sunday, January 2, 2011
One of my favorite quotes from East of Eden, one of my favorite books
"I guess this personal hide-and-seek is not unusual. And some people are 'it' all their lives — hopelessly 'it'"
-Lee
-Lee
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