and I couldn't sleep last night. Didn't fall asleep until about 4:30 and woke up at 8. I guess it's time to start taking them every other day.
PS, when taking adderall, does any one habitually close their throat when they breathe. Maybe it's a weird thing with me when I am hyped up.
PPS, I totally got bored coloring in my sketch and I ain't finishing it! On to the big canvas now!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
3 days back on meds
One of the side effects of my lamotrigine that is really hitting me hard is drowsiness. Because of that I have been taking my adderall everyday instead of every other day — and I am still sleeping about 15 hours a day!
Fortunately those ten or so hours I am awake I am being very constructive (at least compared to me without adderall). I cleaned my kitchen without being prompted and I spent about 6 or so hours working on a sketch for my new painting.
It is 100% about my personal mental state. It has hidden writing in it so viewers can have that "Ahhhh" moment. And until they do the words are my little secret.
It isn't quite finished. And though I feel super creative I have to wait until tonight to project it onto the canvas. I have it the complete image (color scheme and everything) in my head and am really excited about it. So, can you read what it says?
Fortunately those ten or so hours I am awake I am being very constructive (at least compared to me without adderall). I cleaned my kitchen without being prompted and I spent about 6 or so hours working on a sketch for my new painting.
It is 100% about my personal mental state. It has hidden writing in it so viewers can have that "Ahhhh" moment. And until they do the words are my little secret.
It isn't quite finished. And though I feel super creative I have to wait until tonight to project it onto the canvas. I have it the complete image (color scheme and everything) in my head and am really excited about it. So, can you read what it says?
Monday, December 27, 2010
Oh yeah...
I actually made that filing system for my school records/notes/paperwork.
about 4 hours of work and a back ache later it's done, and super organized.
Go me!
I have one binder for each semester, each binder is separated by class, and each section in separated into class paperwork/quizzes/exams/notes, and each of those sections is organized chronologically.
Ah, the benefits of a few hours hyperfocusing!
about 4 hours of work and a back ache later it's done, and super organized.
Go me!
I have one binder for each semester, each binder is separated by class, and each section in separated into class paperwork/quizzes/exams/notes, and each of those sections is organized chronologically.
Ah, the benefits of a few hours hyperfocusing!
Back on meds...
Two semesters ago I finally came up with a structure/plan for school that would help me succeed. Because of this plan I have finished the last two semesters with a 4.0. Unfortunately my overall g.p.a. is still below a 3.0 due to the many many many semesters in which I either failed (because really, who can remember the drop date) or received incompletes. I figured out that I have to spend hours in the library — I have to be in a location that promotes studying and concentration. I also have to (no matter what) attend the first 5 or so weeks of class. I have realized that if I don't miss a class in the beginning (and sit in the front row) I generally won't miss more than two or so classes the entire semester. Finally I take my adderall when I reeeeeally need it (before exams generally).
Because I have been so successful in school I thought that this was a great life plan and was working wonderfully. However, I realized during this winter break that when I don't have school to take up most of my time and energy, I have a lot of manifestations of my ADD. I have been getting intense anxiety, bursts of anger, and a habit of overeating.
So after talking to my wonderful therapist and psychiatrist, we decided that I should start taking my bipolar meds (lamotrigine...sp?) everyday and my adderall every other day (I have tried about four ADD meds and with all of them if I take them two or more days in a row I can't sleep for 40+ hours).
This is my second day back on them and despite the slight side effects — a little nausea, drowsiness and suppressed appetite — I really hope and think that this will help. And hell, maybe it will help me burn some of the weight I gained overeating.
Because I have been so successful in school I thought that this was a great life plan and was working wonderfully. However, I realized during this winter break that when I don't have school to take up most of my time and energy, I have a lot of manifestations of my ADD. I have been getting intense anxiety, bursts of anger, and a habit of overeating.
So after talking to my wonderful therapist and psychiatrist, we decided that I should start taking my bipolar meds (lamotrigine...sp?) everyday and my adderall every other day (I have tried about four ADD meds and with all of them if I take them two or more days in a row I can't sleep for 40+ hours).
This is my second day back on them and despite the slight side effects — a little nausea, drowsiness and suppressed appetite — I really hope and think that this will help. And hell, maybe it will help me burn some of the weight I gained overeating.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
A great website and movie
I discovered this movie during a PBS pledge drive. It's called "ADD and Loving It?!" It is tailor made for ADDers and has a lot of GREAT information. I really felt that it legitimized all of my issues stemming from ADD without making excuses for them.
The people that made the movie also have a website: http://totallyadd.com. It has everything from webinars to tools to videos to blogs (of course mine is the best, haha).
The people that made the movie also have a website: http://totallyadd.com. It has everything from webinars to tools to videos to blogs (of course mine is the best, haha).
Two posts in 20 minutes? Oh yeah, I'm hyperfocusing.
So right now I am working on the arduous task of cleaning my room. Currently I am on the fourth day — and no, my room is not that messy, and yes, it really has taken me that long (to get about a 1/6th through it). One of the added issues (and excuses) is that I truly love painting and thus have an massive supply of art supplies that I have to organize. But, regardless, it has taken me four days to do what my ADDless sister could do in about an hour. I started with my desk:
1: Throw away the random trash...but is this really trash or am I going to need it later? Should I keep it? I should probably keep it.
2. I sure have a lot of unnecessary books on my desk...Yeah, I'll put them on the bookshelf, I can make room...all I have to do is organize the bookshelf...ok, move my jewelry box to the dresser — I really should dust the top of the dresser first. Wow there is a lot of random change on it, I need to find some sort of container so I can "stay organized!"
3. Ok, books are moved, dressers dusted, jewelry box is moved, and that old butter dish is perfect for my change. Holy crap, I have a lot of old school papers. I neeeeed to keep those. Afterall, there for my major, I'll definitely need those notes later. Well, as long as I'm keeping those I might as well keep all of them.
4. That means I definitely need some sort of filing system. Alright, I'll put all my school papers in a big binder (labeled of course). Well, I don't have any separaters but I can just cut of some file folders and label those. Wow, a whole bunch of these don't have holes! Where's that damn hole punch? I know it's around here somewhere?
5. Et cetera
6. Et cetera
7. Well I just can't do this anymore. I'll just go check my email. And as long as I'm on the internet I might as well check out textsfromlastnight.com, and failblog.com has about 7 or 8 different sites that I love.
That is the first cleaning day...about four hours of work (plus another few surfing the internet, of course). And no, I never did make that filing system, apparently finding the binder was work enough. And no, my desk looked nearly the same as it did before I started. And yes, it now looks exactly as it did before it started.
Shit, I'll never finish.
Thus, too make this obscenely long post even longer, I have a few tips and suggestions to make cleaning/organizing a plausible task.
1. Do only little bits at a time. Set a goal of doing three (or two, or even one) tasks. If you're overwhelmed you'll just give up.
2. Accept the fact that it is going to take a long (long, long, long) time.
3. Do the shallow facade things first. If you put in a couple hours (or longer) and you can't see it getting cleaner — and even getting messier —yup, you'll just give up.
4. Organize your books by color. It is one of those shallow facade things that will make you're shelf (and room) look neater...and worth the extra time it takes to find a book.
5. Realize that ADD manifests itself in everyone differently. It's ok if these suggestions don't fit you. Find you're own strategy.
Any other frustrations? Any other suggestions?
1: Throw away the random trash...but is this really trash or am I going to need it later? Should I keep it? I should probably keep it.
2. I sure have a lot of unnecessary books on my desk...Yeah, I'll put them on the bookshelf, I can make room...all I have to do is organize the bookshelf...ok, move my jewelry box to the dresser — I really should dust the top of the dresser first. Wow there is a lot of random change on it, I need to find some sort of container so I can "stay organized!"
3. Ok, books are moved, dressers dusted, jewelry box is moved, and that old butter dish is perfect for my change. Holy crap, I have a lot of old school papers. I neeeeed to keep those. Afterall, there for my major, I'll definitely need those notes later. Well, as long as I'm keeping those I might as well keep all of them.
4. That means I definitely need some sort of filing system. Alright, I'll put all my school papers in a big binder (labeled of course). Well, I don't have any separaters but I can just cut of some file folders and label those. Wow, a whole bunch of these don't have holes! Where's that damn hole punch? I know it's around here somewhere?
5. Et cetera
6. Et cetera
7. Well I just can't do this anymore. I'll just go check my email. And as long as I'm on the internet I might as well check out textsfromlastnight.com, and failblog.com has about 7 or 8 different sites that I love.
That is the first cleaning day...about four hours of work (plus another few surfing the internet, of course). And no, I never did make that filing system, apparently finding the binder was work enough. And no, my desk looked nearly the same as it did before I started. And yes, it now looks exactly as it did before it started.
Shit, I'll never finish.
Thus, too make this obscenely long post even longer, I have a few tips and suggestions to make cleaning/organizing a plausible task.
1. Do only little bits at a time. Set a goal of doing three (or two, or even one) tasks. If you're overwhelmed you'll just give up.
2. Accept the fact that it is going to take a long (long, long, long) time.
3. Do the shallow facade things first. If you put in a couple hours (or longer) and you can't see it getting cleaner — and even getting messier —yup, you'll just give up.
4. Organize your books by color. It is one of those shallow facade things that will make you're shelf (and room) look neater...and worth the extra time it takes to find a book.
5. Realize that ADD manifests itself in everyone differently. It's ok if these suggestions don't fit you. Find you're own strategy.
Any other frustrations? Any other suggestions?
In the beginning
As an adult (I use that term oh so loosely) diagnosed with A.D.D. and battling the near constant chaos in my mind, I decided that there's got to be a lot of others out there like me. Thus, I want to share my experiences, lessons learned, tips, and frustrations of living with A.D.D.
Let me begin with a little back story to give you some context. After suffering (and I do mean suffering) through elementary school, junior high, high school, and a few years at university I was diagnosed at 22 years old with A.D.D. At first I was angry — why did it take so long to diagnose (because I am a girl, that's why), what successes have I missed out on, this is so unfair, why I have to battle this for the rest of my life? This anger and frustration gave way to fear — how much of my personality isn't actually me but the manifestations of A.D.D., will I be able to succeed in life and become a confident and self-sufficient person? Then, after quite a bit of soul searching (and therapy) I decided that despite how angry, sad, and scared I was, the only way I could succeed and become a self-sufficient person was on my own accord — day by day and task by task.
Oh, did I mention that my A.D.D. is exacerbated by an even later diagnoses of bipolar II? Juuuust perfect!
And as a last comment of an already too long first post I want to apologize for my atrocious punctuation, but you probably know, once an A.D.D.er hyperfocuses, it's just too boring and tedious to fix the little stuff.
On last comment (my A.D.D. has to be ridiculously evident by now), welcome to my new blog. I'd love for you to comment on your own personal experiences as my goal is to have a judgmental-free place for you to learn and vent and identify with others.
Let me begin with a little back story to give you some context. After suffering (and I do mean suffering) through elementary school, junior high, high school, and a few years at university I was diagnosed at 22 years old with A.D.D. At first I was angry — why did it take so long to diagnose (because I am a girl, that's why), what successes have I missed out on, this is so unfair, why I have to battle this for the rest of my life? This anger and frustration gave way to fear — how much of my personality isn't actually me but the manifestations of A.D.D., will I be able to succeed in life and become a confident and self-sufficient person? Then, after quite a bit of soul searching (and therapy) I decided that despite how angry, sad, and scared I was, the only way I could succeed and become a self-sufficient person was on my own accord — day by day and task by task.
Oh, did I mention that my A.D.D. is exacerbated by an even later diagnoses of bipolar II? Juuuust perfect!
And as a last comment of an already too long first post I want to apologize for my atrocious punctuation, but you probably know, once an A.D.D.er hyperfocuses, it's just too boring and tedious to fix the little stuff.
On last comment (my A.D.D. has to be ridiculously evident by now), welcome to my new blog. I'd love for you to comment on your own personal experiences as my goal is to have a judgmental-free place for you to learn and vent and identify with others.
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