At least that is what it feels like when work on a drawing for about 6 hours, until it's ready to project, only to realize that I don't have the correct size canvas...and the art store is closed...and I can't afford the $50+ canvas anyway.
Sometimes I feel like life doesn't want me to succeed. That no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, things don't work out for stupid reason (ie. I should have checked my stock of canvases first).
But I feel like screaming. It's all bullshit. I just want to be able to finish — to succeed — and damn it, it seems like no matter what I do — no matter how much effort — I can't.
And, as the cycle usually goes...now I feel like doing absolutely nothing. "If this is how it works out I might as well not try." I know that is a horrible attitude, but I think I will just slink into bed with my cat and watch a couple of Eddie Izzard specials.
Oh shit, I need to put away the projector because I will trip over it, take all of my laundry off my bed, fold it, put it away and change my sheets.
I guess it's just one of those days.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Famous people with ADD
Let me preface this by saying that I got this list from www.associatedcontent.com. Therefore, I leave the accuracy of the list up to them.
And because I am an art major — and ADDers tend to be über creative, here are the artists first.
Famous Artists
Pablo Picasso, Ansel Adams, Vincent Van Gogh, Salvador Dali
*I personally suspect da Vinci
Famous Authors
Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Leo Tolstoy, Robert Frost, Edgar Allen Poe
Famous Inventors
Henry Ford, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Edison, Orville Wright, Wilbur Wright, Alexander Graham Bell
Famous Musicians
John Lennon, Elvis Presley, Cher, Buddy Rich, Beethoven, Mozart, Handel
Famous Actors
Will Smith, Jim Carey, Tom Cruise, Sylvester Stallone, Robin Williams, Whoopi Goldberg, Henry Winkler, Patty Duke, Bill Cosby
Famous Athletes
Michael Jordan, Bruce Jenner, Magic Johnson, Nolan Ryan, Terry Bradshaw, Babe Ruth, Greg Louganis, Vince Lombardi, Pete Rose
Famous Business Tycoons
Bill Gates, Ted Turner, Malcolm Forbes, Andrew Carnegie, William Randolph Hearst, Henry Ford, FW Woolworth, Walt Disney
Famous Hollywood Movie Directors
Steven Spielberg, Alfred Hitchcock
Famous Politicians
John F. Kennedy, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, Dwight Eisenhower, George Bush, Anwar Sadat, Winston Churchill
*And I have no idea how they diagnosed the people who died before ADD was recognized. But if that puts me in the same category as Dalí, Frost, Beethoven, and Churchill...I'm okay with that!
And because I am an art major — and ADDers tend to be über creative, here are the artists first.
Famous Artists
Pablo Picasso, Ansel Adams, Vincent Van Gogh, Salvador Dali
*I personally suspect da Vinci
Famous Authors
Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Leo Tolstoy, Robert Frost, Edgar Allen Poe
Famous Inventors
Henry Ford, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Edison, Orville Wright, Wilbur Wright, Alexander Graham Bell
Famous Musicians
John Lennon, Elvis Presley, Cher, Buddy Rich, Beethoven, Mozart, Handel
Famous Actors
Will Smith, Jim Carey, Tom Cruise, Sylvester Stallone, Robin Williams, Whoopi Goldberg, Henry Winkler, Patty Duke, Bill Cosby
Famous Athletes
Michael Jordan, Bruce Jenner, Magic Johnson, Nolan Ryan, Terry Bradshaw, Babe Ruth, Greg Louganis, Vince Lombardi, Pete Rose
Famous Business Tycoons
Bill Gates, Ted Turner, Malcolm Forbes, Andrew Carnegie, William Randolph Hearst, Henry Ford, FW Woolworth, Walt Disney
Famous Hollywood Movie Directors
Steven Spielberg, Alfred Hitchcock
Famous Politicians
John F. Kennedy, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, Dwight Eisenhower, George Bush, Anwar Sadat, Winston Churchill
*And I have no idea how they diagnosed the people who died before ADD was recognized. But if that puts me in the same category as Dalí, Frost, Beethoven, and Churchill...I'm okay with that!
A shameless plug
I am trying to be truly honest about all of the facets of my life impacted by my ADD. I hope it help others because at least they will know that there is someone else suffering because of — and hopefully succeeding despite of — my "disability."
Alas, please pass the link onto anyone you know that you think might benefit from my ramblings. I really try to offer real life personal information and tips that I have learned while not preaching.
So, because there are so many disadvantages of having ADD I will leave you with two positives: those with ADD tend to excel a under pressure that makes "normal" people crumble, and we tend to be far more creative.
I heard the metaphor that those with ADD are standing at the edge of the cliff and it is those people that impact the world. Mediocrity doesn't change anything. As long as we learn not to fall of the edge we have better odds of improving the world in ways the "normal" and average people can't.
Alas, please pass the link onto anyone you know that you think might benefit from my ramblings. I really try to offer real life personal information and tips that I have learned while not preaching.
So, because there are so many disadvantages of having ADD I will leave you with two positives: those with ADD tend to excel a under pressure that makes "normal" people crumble, and we tend to be far more creative.
I heard the metaphor that those with ADD are standing at the edge of the cliff and it is those people that impact the world. Mediocrity doesn't change anything. As long as we learn not to fall of the edge we have better odds of improving the world in ways the "normal" and average people can't.
Ahhh, weight loss continued...
One thing I have learned from my wonderful therapist (oh by the way, I don't think that many people think that they can try out a lot of therapists. Personally I tried about 8 therapists and 5 psychiatrists before I found ones I really liked and eventually trusted — I sat silently during my first 6 months of therapy sessions just to gain trust because damn it the first thing you shouldn't say to a bipolar during a dip is "Do you want to kill yourself? Why do you want to kill yourself?)
Okay, tangent over, back to my point. One thing I have learned is that ADDers are pushed by success. We will continue something if we form a healthy rut, and succeed by using it. This is generally because we had low self-esteem in our formative years — you're lazy, you're stupid, why can't you jut do it like everyone else, etc..
So I really hope that between my healthier eating, minimal excercise, and lack of alcohol, I will noticeably lose weight at a healthy rate.
So here it is, I am being more open than most women about my weight (eek), because being public about weight loss generally makes you stick to your plan better...
I am 5'3" and now 151 lbs. That makes me just a bit above the healthy weight and range of bmi. The healthy weight range for someone my height is somewhere in between 104 and 140 lbs. My bmi is roughly 27 and it should be between 18 - 25.
Though I was living so unhealthy (and overusing/misusing my ritalin or whatever meds I ws on at the time) I was happiest at my weight of 120ish during my freshman year of university. And I think that will set a goal of about that weight. I hope to lose it by the reasonable date of July 30th.
Though this blog is about ADD I think that I will add a bit of information about my success, specifically how taking my meds while getting healthier affects my symptoms.
And by the way, from experience I have learned that yoga is really good for depression (if you can get out of bed) and especially ADD. I like vinyasa yoga the best because you flow from pose to pose, it doesn't really matter how well you are doing the poses (as long as you do it accurately enough to not injure yourself), and it gives you time to think and reflect while still being distracted by the poses. And if it is a good class it is completely judgmental free because everyone is purely focusing on themselves and their thoughts. I would recommend staying away from bikram because they pump up the heat and every pose is done exactly in the same order every time so it doesn't really condone personal reflection and calmness. I would also stay away from classes at gyms, the teachers are generally not trained as yoga teachers and the general mood seems to be more about how skinny you can get rather than how healthy — body AND mind — you can get. Though that is one humble personal opinion. And if you go often enough (2-4 times per week?) it becomes — ta da! — a healthy rut.
So that's my two cents...and to the few readers I have, really do let me know if you think that documenting my turn toward healthiness is detracting from the personal rants and confessions of living with ADD and you think I shouldn't talk about it anymore.
Good luck with your resolutions. Try to set realistic goals, and most importantly, I hope you have an infinitely wonderful year!
Okay, tangent over, back to my point. One thing I have learned is that ADDers are pushed by success. We will continue something if we form a healthy rut, and succeed by using it. This is generally because we had low self-esteem in our formative years — you're lazy, you're stupid, why can't you jut do it like everyone else, etc..
So I really hope that between my healthier eating, minimal excercise, and lack of alcohol, I will noticeably lose weight at a healthy rate.
So here it is, I am being more open than most women about my weight (eek), because being public about weight loss generally makes you stick to your plan better...
I am 5'3" and now 151 lbs. That makes me just a bit above the healthy weight and range of bmi. The healthy weight range for someone my height is somewhere in between 104 and 140 lbs. My bmi is roughly 27 and it should be between 18 - 25.
Though I was living so unhealthy (and overusing/misusing my ritalin or whatever meds I ws on at the time) I was happiest at my weight of 120ish during my freshman year of university. And I think that will set a goal of about that weight. I hope to lose it by the reasonable date of July 30th.
Though this blog is about ADD I think that I will add a bit of information about my success, specifically how taking my meds while getting healthier affects my symptoms.
And by the way, from experience I have learned that yoga is really good for depression (if you can get out of bed) and especially ADD. I like vinyasa yoga the best because you flow from pose to pose, it doesn't really matter how well you are doing the poses (as long as you do it accurately enough to not injure yourself), and it gives you time to think and reflect while still being distracted by the poses. And if it is a good class it is completely judgmental free because everyone is purely focusing on themselves and their thoughts. I would recommend staying away from bikram because they pump up the heat and every pose is done exactly in the same order every time so it doesn't really condone personal reflection and calmness. I would also stay away from classes at gyms, the teachers are generally not trained as yoga teachers and the general mood seems to be more about how skinny you can get rather than how healthy — body AND mind — you can get. Though that is one humble personal opinion. And if you go often enough (2-4 times per week?) it becomes — ta da! — a healthy rut.
So that's my two cents...and to the few readers I have, really do let me know if you think that documenting my turn toward healthiness is detracting from the personal rants and confessions of living with ADD and you think I shouldn't talk about it anymore.
Good luck with your resolutions. Try to set realistic goals, and most importantly, I hope you have an infinitely wonderful year!
New Year, New Post
I think I mentioned that I am back on my meds. Well, since I have gone on and off them so many times (bad crazy person, baaaaad crazy person) I seem to be having more side effects than I ever did before. I am amazingly tired (bipolar meds) even though I am taking adderall too. I have been a bit moody and short tempered (although that's a symptom of bipolar II anyway). I've been having some odd physical reactions to anxiety that I assume is exacerbated my the adderall. I think I mentioned that before too (impulsed to shut my throat as I am exhaling. It only feels better when I hold my breath, but let's be serious if I suffocate I won't be able to write this anonymous and hardly followed blog).
So, I wrote all of that to get to my real point. Because I am having those side effects — and am trying to lose the weight that I gained from overeating as a side effect of ADD sans meds — I offered to be the designated driver on New Years Eve. Wow, it's really not that much fun. I am surprised that I didn't really mind not drinking. I got free soda all night, saved a lot of money, and had the absolute 0% chance of getting a DUI. It was the company and general population that was doing my fun time in. I really did have a lot of fun as everyone was getting drunk, and I really did have fun while everyone was drunk, it was just that hour or so where everyone was sloppy! Falling on me, stepping on my feet, spilling drinks on my feet, pushing me, harassing me about the weather, the walk to the car and the lack of available food. But I do really love my friends. And I am really glad that they had fun — especially because when I get drunk I am that sloppy. And I am really happy that people didn't drive home because of me and my super-soberness.
So here's to my personal New Years resolutions: staying on my meds even if I feel I don't need them anymore, and losing my "automatic arm" overeating weight.
So, I wrote all of that to get to my real point. Because I am having those side effects — and am trying to lose the weight that I gained from overeating as a side effect of ADD sans meds — I offered to be the designated driver on New Years Eve. Wow, it's really not that much fun. I am surprised that I didn't really mind not drinking. I got free soda all night, saved a lot of money, and had the absolute 0% chance of getting a DUI. It was the company and general population that was doing my fun time in. I really did have a lot of fun as everyone was getting drunk, and I really did have fun while everyone was drunk, it was just that hour or so where everyone was sloppy! Falling on me, stepping on my feet, spilling drinks on my feet, pushing me, harassing me about the weather, the walk to the car and the lack of available food. But I do really love my friends. And I am really glad that they had fun — especially because when I get drunk I am that sloppy. And I am really happy that people didn't drive home because of me and my super-soberness.
So here's to my personal New Years resolutions: staying on my meds even if I feel I don't need them anymore, and losing my "automatic arm" overeating weight.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Three days on meds
and I couldn't sleep last night. Didn't fall asleep until about 4:30 and woke up at 8. I guess it's time to start taking them every other day.
PS, when taking adderall, does any one habitually close their throat when they breathe. Maybe it's a weird thing with me when I am hyped up.
PPS, I totally got bored coloring in my sketch and I ain't finishing it! On to the big canvas now!
PS, when taking adderall, does any one habitually close their throat when they breathe. Maybe it's a weird thing with me when I am hyped up.
PPS, I totally got bored coloring in my sketch and I ain't finishing it! On to the big canvas now!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
3 days back on meds
One of the side effects of my lamotrigine that is really hitting me hard is drowsiness. Because of that I have been taking my adderall everyday instead of every other day — and I am still sleeping about 15 hours a day!
Fortunately those ten or so hours I am awake I am being very constructive (at least compared to me without adderall). I cleaned my kitchen without being prompted and I spent about 6 or so hours working on a sketch for my new painting.
It is 100% about my personal mental state. It has hidden writing in it so viewers can have that "Ahhhh" moment. And until they do the words are my little secret.
It isn't quite finished. And though I feel super creative I have to wait until tonight to project it onto the canvas. I have it the complete image (color scheme and everything) in my head and am really excited about it. So, can you read what it says?
Fortunately those ten or so hours I am awake I am being very constructive (at least compared to me without adderall). I cleaned my kitchen without being prompted and I spent about 6 or so hours working on a sketch for my new painting.
It is 100% about my personal mental state. It has hidden writing in it so viewers can have that "Ahhhh" moment. And until they do the words are my little secret.
It isn't quite finished. And though I feel super creative I have to wait until tonight to project it onto the canvas. I have it the complete image (color scheme and everything) in my head and am really excited about it. So, can you read what it says?
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